Do you use Facebook or other social media? I do – though I have a love-hate relationship with them!
A friend posted this on his wall a couple of days ago.
I was irritated by it because I don’t like the click bait technique. I want to know WHY people recommend something before I follow a link … but actually my friend was being rather clever here. The clue was in the wording.
It was a really good, informative, practical TED talk not only about the importance of listening but how to listen well!
You might like to listen to it yourself before reading what I think!
Conversation and dialogue really matters.
I really liked the point she made about not needing to show you are paying attention (eye contact, mmm and aaah, etc.) if you are actually already paying attention!
And I found this quote from Paul Barnwell to be spot on.
A true listening requires a setting aside of oneself
It’s hard to listen well because it really does require us to set ourself, our stories, our thoughts, our emotions aside.
Celeste Headlee made the following points to help us have better conversations.
- Don’t multitask i.e. be PRESENT …don’t be planning what you’ll say next or be thinking about something else!
- Don’t pontificate; i.e. enter a conversation ASSUMING you have something to learn!
- Use open-ended questions: who,,what, when, where, why and how?
- Go with the flow: thoughts and stories will come to you while the other is speaking … don’t hang onto them, let them go!
- If you don’t know say you don’t know: be honest about gaps in your knowledge
- Don’t equate your experience with theirs! All experiences are individual and their story is not about you … e.g. if they’re experiencing problems at work don’t start talking about how much you hate yours!
- Try not to repeat yourself – it’s condescending!
- Stay out of the weeds people don’t care about the names, dates, years, those minor details you are struggling to remember; they care about YOU
- LISTEN; it takes energy and effort but if you can’t listen you aren’t in a conversation!
- Be brief!
Overall, be interested in other people. Everyone has some hidden, amazing thing about them. Look for that – it makes you a better host!
- KEEP MOUTH SHUT
- KEEP MIND OPEN
- BE PREPARED TO BE AMAZED
it really was a good talk. If you haven’t done so already, do follow my friend David’s advice: skip over there and listen!